Since the end of December, I've been running plan-less. I've been trying to do at least one "workout" per week - basically a few tempo miles thrown in to my Tuesday evening runs.
Then I ran the half marathon in Houston on the 15th. I decided on the 14th that I was going to try to race it - not expecting a PR but at least wanting an indication of what my current fitness was.
And my 1:34 time told me what I kind of already knew: that I'm fat and out of shape.
It gave me the motivation to actually want to train for Boston as a goal race. The race is 12 weeks from yesterday. Which, in cycles past meant I would crack open the Pfitz plan and get going. But I'm ready for a change, to mix things up a bit. I've been reading Daniel's Running Formula lately; I thought about using his plans for NYCM last fall and decided against it. Daniel's plan revolves around two quality workouts per week, and the rest of the days are easy or general pace runs. This seemed to be a good foundation to incorporate more quality and still be able to be flexible with the rest of the runs.
The other piece of this cycle is that I'm starting to work out with a racing team, and I want to participate 100% in the Tuesday evening track workouts.
So, taking all my basic goals - Tuesday night workouts, more targeted workouts, flexibility, getting away from Pfitz - my training plan looks like this:
M-
T- track
W-
R - Daniel's T-based runs OR a Pfitz-like MLR
F-
S- easy long run OR a Daniel's targeted long run workout
U-
The R/S runs will alternate each week. The weeks I do a T run on Thursday, I'll do a long, steady-state run on Saturday. The Saturdays I plan a Daniel's targeted run, I'll do a longer steady-state run on Thursday.
I have penciled in which workouts I think I'll do, but it also depends on what happens on the Tuesday. So, there are essentially no numbers in my plan yet. This is quite strange for me, but I think it'll allow me to be very good about running on the non-workout days as much as I can, trying to keep my mileage high, but not feel pressured to do so in case the quality days take too much out of me. And for as much as I'm a slave to numbers, there's something to be said for still being able to leave the house not knowing how far or fast I'll run and just listening to my body. This will be one big experiment, but it's making me excited about training instead of feeling "meh" about it, which is what I would be feeling if I was facing another cycle of Pfitz.
I also want to be better about doing weekly recaps and blogging more about how I'm feeling on my runs and workouts to get feedback and to keep myself honest about how I'm feeling.
Showing posts with label change is good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change is good. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tapers and races and new goals, oh my!
Today: 9 miles in 1:13:59
1. I'm in full-on taper madness. 12 days until NYCM! This means I'm overly hyper about creaks and phantom pains, keep waffling about my goal time and race strategy, and all that good stuff. Although, the more marathons I do, the less I find myself obsessing over race logistics. Maybe that has more to do with the fact that I know New York City, I'm not dealing with any unknowns travel-wise, and I know what to expect from the expo, the starting line, and the finishing line based on the fact that I've run this marathon before.
2. Although my legs aren't completely full of creaks anymore and I have felt a slight spring to my step yesterday and today, I'm still waiting for the taper to do its thing to rest up my legs while maintaining the fitness I've gained over the past 12 weeks - indeed, longer than that, if you count all the slow-ass base-building miles I've been doing since May (!!)
3. I realize I haven't posted here in a while. I've been doing a lot more journaling - like the old-fashioned, pen-to-paper kind - and that fulfills some of my "must write" outlet that this blog gives me.
4. I was told the other day (yesterday?) that I seem more "bubbly" since coming out to San Fran. I think that might be the first time anyone has used that word to describe me. I think I like it. Something about this place fits me. I really think the fresh air and the ocean and the beautiful scenery and the pace of life and the people out here settle me. I'm high-strung and OCD enough on my own; it's nice to be surrounded by that which is not.
5. Reasons why having a Ph.D. doesn't make me a genius: last night I ran errands and could only find parking on a street where cleaning this morning started at 7. So, I had to get up early to move it - it actually made for a lovely morning because I spent sunrise at the beach - and parked it back in front of my building. Great, except it's the 4th Wednesday of the month, which means, guess what? Street cleaning from 12-2. Which I have marked diligently on my calendar to remind me. Of course, it helps to look at the calendar every once in a while (and not just the day planner). I saw the ticket after my run today - $55 to the man for being an idiot.
6. I always start having my post-marathon visions of grandeur at about this stage of the taper. I'm trying not to go too overboard with my planning. I do know that a-if NYC doesn't go as planned, I won't wait until Houston for a back-up, I'll probably register for Tucson instead so I'm not training for ANOTHER 2 months. I want to do the half in Houston and have a fun weekend with friends and not a stressful one. b-I want to focus on getting back into a strength routine and leaning up before training for Boston. I bought some kettlebells that my trainer-friend Chris is going to virtually help me learn how to use. I also think I will cut back to 6 days/week running and start swimming again on the off-day. There are public pools in the city that are $3-5 to use. I also am debating starting to run with a club. There are tons here - some more social and some more serious. I think I'm at a point in my running "career" that being around runners who are better than me to really push me would be a huge help. One of my friends out here is on a woman's racing team, which she likes, and that would fill that criteria.
7. My online running friends are starting to plan their 2012 race calendar, and it's super exciting to think about next year, but it also makes my head spin a bit because I'm not 100% sure where I'm going to be or what I'm going to be doing then. I know, technically, I never KNOW, but it's kind of weird to plan without a plan. The other problem is that I'm not financially in a place to be shelling out registration fees quite yet for races a year away. I guess what I should do is map out my general running goals and then figure out which races to do. I definitely want to do a spring and a fall marathon. I'm registered for Boston, so barring a decision to run that for fun and do a smaller goal marathon, that will be spring's race. Fall - who knows? I'm tempted to do Chicago and register for back-up a few weeks later in case the weather sucks. I definitely think I can still knock off time from my marathon PR this year, but it will mean a little more "big picture" focus instead of just winging it like I did last year. Maybe 4 marathons is not the way to go.
8. If I get to run on the beach in the morning, I always see this old guy all bundled up in a hooded sweatshirt, the hood tight around his face, under a windbreaker jacket. He always says - no, yells - "good morning" when we pass each other. Even though I'm expecting it now, it still scares the shit outta me. I'm all for greeting those around me, but I'm usually not yelling. It's nice, though.
9. I will be flying to NYC a week from today. Holy crap.
1. I'm in full-on taper madness. 12 days until NYCM! This means I'm overly hyper about creaks and phantom pains, keep waffling about my goal time and race strategy, and all that good stuff. Although, the more marathons I do, the less I find myself obsessing over race logistics. Maybe that has more to do with the fact that I know New York City, I'm not dealing with any unknowns travel-wise, and I know what to expect from the expo, the starting line, and the finishing line based on the fact that I've run this marathon before.
2. Although my legs aren't completely full of creaks anymore and I have felt a slight spring to my step yesterday and today, I'm still waiting for the taper to do its thing to rest up my legs while maintaining the fitness I've gained over the past 12 weeks - indeed, longer than that, if you count all the slow-ass base-building miles I've been doing since May (!!)
3. I realize I haven't posted here in a while. I've been doing a lot more journaling - like the old-fashioned, pen-to-paper kind - and that fulfills some of my "must write" outlet that this blog gives me.
4. I was told the other day (yesterday?) that I seem more "bubbly" since coming out to San Fran. I think that might be the first time anyone has used that word to describe me. I think I like it. Something about this place fits me. I really think the fresh air and the ocean and the beautiful scenery and the pace of life and the people out here settle me. I'm high-strung and OCD enough on my own; it's nice to be surrounded by that which is not.
5. Reasons why having a Ph.D. doesn't make me a genius: last night I ran errands and could only find parking on a street where cleaning this morning started at 7. So, I had to get up early to move it - it actually made for a lovely morning because I spent sunrise at the beach - and parked it back in front of my building. Great, except it's the 4th Wednesday of the month, which means, guess what? Street cleaning from 12-2. Which I have marked diligently on my calendar to remind me. Of course, it helps to look at the calendar every once in a while (and not just the day planner). I saw the ticket after my run today - $55 to the man for being an idiot.
6. I always start having my post-marathon visions of grandeur at about this stage of the taper. I'm trying not to go too overboard with my planning. I do know that a-if NYC doesn't go as planned, I won't wait until Houston for a back-up, I'll probably register for Tucson instead so I'm not training for ANOTHER 2 months. I want to do the half in Houston and have a fun weekend with friends and not a stressful one. b-I want to focus on getting back into a strength routine and leaning up before training for Boston. I bought some kettlebells that my trainer-friend Chris is going to virtually help me learn how to use. I also think I will cut back to 6 days/week running and start swimming again on the off-day. There are public pools in the city that are $3-5 to use. I also am debating starting to run with a club. There are tons here - some more social and some more serious. I think I'm at a point in my running "career" that being around runners who are better than me to really push me would be a huge help. One of my friends out here is on a woman's racing team, which she likes, and that would fill that criteria.
7. My online running friends are starting to plan their 2012 race calendar, and it's super exciting to think about next year, but it also makes my head spin a bit because I'm not 100% sure where I'm going to be or what I'm going to be doing then. I know, technically, I never KNOW, but it's kind of weird to plan without a plan. The other problem is that I'm not financially in a place to be shelling out registration fees quite yet for races a year away. I guess what I should do is map out my general running goals and then figure out which races to do. I definitely want to do a spring and a fall marathon. I'm registered for Boston, so barring a decision to run that for fun and do a smaller goal marathon, that will be spring's race. Fall - who knows? I'm tempted to do Chicago and register for back-up a few weeks later in case the weather sucks. I definitely think I can still knock off time from my marathon PR this year, but it will mean a little more "big picture" focus instead of just winging it like I did last year. Maybe 4 marathons is not the way to go.
8. If I get to run on the beach in the morning, I always see this old guy all bundled up in a hooded sweatshirt, the hood tight around his face, under a windbreaker jacket. He always says - no, yells - "good morning" when we pass each other. Even though I'm expecting it now, it still scares the shit outta me. I'm all for greeting those around me, but I'm usually not yelling. It's nice, though.
9. I will be flying to NYC a week from today. Holy crap.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Controlling tendencies
On my hellacious recovery run today (6 miles in almost an hour, don't make me go check my Garmin), on which my legs weren't exactly sore from yesterday's half but just felt like they had aged about 100 years and the wind blew the rain sideways into my face, I got thinking about how much of my life is out of control right now, but I am in control of more than I think. So, today's list comprises 6 things over which I have complete control.
1. The mood in which I wake up. It is a decision and one I make before my feet hit the ground. I can choose to be happy, crabby, lazy, motivated. Why not choose good things?
2. How I partition my day - whether that means setting a schedule or letting it be open, knowing what will help me feel the most productive and balanced (usually the former). Also choosing to focus on my tasks and close down the internet windows of distraction (FB, RWOL, etc.) Why not choose that which will make me feel good about how I spend my time?
3. What goes into my mouth and how much of it. In that vein, what I choose to buy at the store or restaurant, knowing what my triggers are, and not allowing myself to feel guilty. Why not choose what is best for my body and running while allowing myself to enjoy food?
4. Who I interact with, and why, and the conversations I need to have in order to process what's going on in my head. Why not seek out those whose advice I value, who can make me laugh, who challenge me, and who love me?
5. The running and other workouts and activities I do to not only become a better runner and meet my running goals, but to feel good inside and out. Being physical is directly linked to my mental state, as is the sleep I get and giving myself time to relax. Why not choose to take advantage of that and move my body when I need to and rest it when I need to?
6. Above all, how I react to that which I cannot control. And how I react to all the sensory inputs (too nerdy??) that could affect how I live my life. Why not allow everything to enter, but only some things to stay - those things which I can use in my control to live the life that I want to live?
1. The mood in which I wake up. It is a decision and one I make before my feet hit the ground. I can choose to be happy, crabby, lazy, motivated. Why not choose good things?
2. How I partition my day - whether that means setting a schedule or letting it be open, knowing what will help me feel the most productive and balanced (usually the former). Also choosing to focus on my tasks and close down the internet windows of distraction (FB, RWOL, etc.) Why not choose that which will make me feel good about how I spend my time?
3. What goes into my mouth and how much of it. In that vein, what I choose to buy at the store or restaurant, knowing what my triggers are, and not allowing myself to feel guilty. Why not choose what is best for my body and running while allowing myself to enjoy food?
4. Who I interact with, and why, and the conversations I need to have in order to process what's going on in my head. Why not seek out those whose advice I value, who can make me laugh, who challenge me, and who love me?
5. The running and other workouts and activities I do to not only become a better runner and meet my running goals, but to feel good inside and out. Being physical is directly linked to my mental state, as is the sleep I get and giving myself time to relax. Why not choose to take advantage of that and move my body when I need to and rest it when I need to?
6. Above all, how I react to that which I cannot control. And how I react to all the sensory inputs (too nerdy??) that could affect how I live my life. Why not allow everything to enter, but only some things to stay - those things which I can use in my control to live the life that I want to live?
Thursday, October 6, 2011
The voices in my head.
Thoughts from today's run (10 in 1:24:37)
1. I love how a morning rain makes everything clean, even the sunlight.
2. I should probably slow down a bit, I want to have a strong run but I also have a half on Sunday that I want to do well in so it's a good indicator of my fitness.
3. Finding out you've been lied to has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.
4. Why is it that not even lying is simple: that the act of lying does not necessarily negate the situation and reasoning behind it? Not that it's EVER right, but it's never black and white, either.
5. Seriously, slow down, legs. Heart.
6. I think people in San Francisco have a harder time with the "walk right, pass left" concept than New Yorkers do, and they're pretty bad. That, and the inability to realize your dog doesn't consider its leash; therefore, if you're on one side of the path and the dog is on the other side with the leash extending in between, it is YOUR job, not your dog's, to solve this problem.
7. I exiled myself from Facebook in order to let my own voice be heard in my head, and not so many others. It has less to do with anyone externally and more to do with the fact that I get sucked in and it becomes a black hole of my time and energy. It's very freeing, in fact. Not that I don't find other distractions, but I have felt more productive in the last 2 days than I have in the last 2 weeks in a lot of ways. Because I'm back in control. (Although, I forgot what settings I have on here, it might automatically post to FB. In which case, if you comment on FB, I won't see it until I decide to return. So comment on the blog itself if you have something to tell me :) )
8. I've been doing really well with the no-dessert-no-weekday-drinking rule (it's actually pretty easy if you're poor), but I think the emotional eating I've been doing of late has probably counteracted all the good it's done me.
9. I didn't have this thought on my run, but later in the day, as I was walking along the beach as the sun was going down, listening to the waves and feeling them enter my soul, that all I've got is me. All I can count on is me and my own judgement and my own goals and desires. Despite everything, I don't think I've done a bad job so far - I actually trust myself to lead me in the right direction and do what I know I need to do to make me happy. That is the voice I need to reconnect with. And it feels good. Not that other people aren't involved in me listening to that voice (I'm not becoming a hermit and I do need my friends and family more than ever), but it feels good to have a lot of "me time" right now.
10. If i didn't have a half on Sunday, I probably wouldn't be done running.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Crazy going slowly am I
19 for yesterday's 19 in 2:41.25
1. There's been a lot of chatter on my FB wall about dreading long runs. I honestly LOVE them. There is absolutely nothing like the feeling of hitting that groove where you feel like you can just run forever - and actually keep on running for (almost) ever. I was on such a high after this run - that's the high I miss when I'm not marathon training. It's a high that is different than that I get after a hard workout or a shorter, faster run. I think it's a high that just makes me feel like me.
2. This past week has been a whirlwind of activity, but it all turned out to be for the best, I think:
3. A group of my RWOL buddies are running the Reach the Beach relay next weekend. At the time they were planning, I was still abroad and couldn't commit, but it definitely made me want to run one of these relays someday. This particular relay runs 200 miles across the state of New Hampshire, taking 24+ hours to complete, and you hang out with your teammates in passenger vans in your hungry, smelly, sleep-deprived awesomeness. There are teams of 12, running 3 legs and ~15 miles total, or teams of 6, running 6 legs and ~33 miles total. In a sad twist of fate (see #4), one of my friends was no longer able to make it, and the 6-person team was down a player. I was debating flying back East, anyway, for a wedding of 2 grad school friends in NYC the following weekend, so after some deliberation and hemming and hawing, I signed up!
4. The friend whose place I'm taking cannot make it because her husband was in a terrible sky-diving accident. He's undergone several surgeries and is improving, but please keep them in your thoughts and hearts.
5. So, now I had a weekend of relay racing madness, a week "off," and then a weekend of NYC wedding madness. I'm still waiting if that week "off" will include a couple interviews, but that remains to be seen.
6. So, minor detail: from where do I fly for this trip? Do I drive to Tucson, back to my parents, and continue the job search from there after my trip? Do I fly in and out of San Fran, leave my car with my cousin, and then drive back to Tucson? Do I buy a one-way trip because I don't know when/where to return? The logistics began to give me a headache.
7. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really want to be stable for a while, at least long enough to make the job search my main focus. I have really loved being able to travel and visit people, which obviously I can continue to do, but it's not helping me focus.
8. Furthermore, job searching from Tucson makes no sense. There are exactly zero jobs I would take there. However, there are tons of jobs in the Bay Area. I can't hang out with my cousin and her family forever; I'm not willing to commit to a lease on a place on the chance that an opportunity arises outside of the area. But I want to put myself here because it is at least a place where there is a chance I end up, unlike Tucson.
9. To Craigslist I went, with the search terms "sublet/temporary rentals." I promptly found about a bazillion ads that went something like this:
Hi! I am [traveling for an internship/moving in with my bf/pissed off my roommates and got thrown out] and you can have my awesome room near [UCSF/the projects/the middle of nowhere] for [an extravagant amount of money, but it's ok because it's furnished/almost no money, what do you mean San Jose isn't in San Francisco?]. The room is great, here is a grainy, wide-lens angled photo. There is a shared EVERYTHING, but it's ok because my 12 roommates are awesome and laid-back and clean and there isn't any drama ever even though they're all 22-yo students I SWEAR. okthxbai xoxo.
10. Um, no. I am too old for the crazy-Craigslist-roomie thing.
11. But THEN I saw it - the post of my dreams - and it was love at first sight. A 1-br located 7 blocks from the beach and 2 from Golden Gate Park, being sublet for a month while its owner was traveling. Its SOLE owner.
12. After a few email conversations with said owner, we agreed I would come to see the place the following day. I left the address with my cousin and on FB, visions of the 9-o'clock news headlines dancing in my head, and drove to the apartment. The resident is the sweetest middle-aged French-Algerian woman, and we hit it off right away. Half the rent later, I was in! I have a home for October! She leaves for her trip the same day I come back from mine; she wanted a non-student, someone quiet who won't be hosting raves; she said she got "good vibes" from my email and from our meeting. She was as excited as I was. It feels SO GOOD to have a place to call "home" for a month, feel stable, and plan the next step in peace and without any time pressure.
13. The location is awesome for running. I'm especially excited about that, as it will be the month pre-NYCM, and I'll be doing that. A lot.
14. Nothing new on the job-front. I'm feeling my way around the protocol for how much follow-up is too much. Following a phone interview, if I am told they are interested in a face-to-face and they'll be in touch soon, what does "soon" mean? I sent the obligatory thank-you email and sent emails to 2 that have east coast-based offices to notify them that I'll be out there. Is no response bad? Does soon mean weeks? I have no idea.
15. Running-wise, I'm feeling great. My legs have finally awakened from their summer hibernation. I'm sure the side-effects of unemployment have helped: ample time for sleep, no days of hectic running around, not having to get up early to get the miles in, etc. Don't hate me too much, I'd much prefer being employed and stressed AND running, but I'm trying to at least look on the bright side here.
16. I am really excited to be going to NYC. Today of all days, I feel the New Yorker in me very strongly. If I didn't have this trip coming up, I'd feel almost homesick for the city. I wasn't even in NYC yet on 9/11 - I was still in college - but I still feel the solidarity of this day in that city. <3
17. I have been all kinds of excited about football this weekend. After living abroad for 2 seasons, I'm wondering how I survived. I love this game. I had to search out the Vikings game this afternoon, found myself alone at a sports bar surrounded by annoying 49er and Charger fans, and was just so giddy to be able to watch FOUR games at ONE TIME! On screens that weren't my laptop displaying whatever crappy pirated streaming broadcast I could find.
18. Tomorrow is the first day of registration for the Boston marathon. I don't know if I want that to be my goal spring race, I don't know if I can afford it, but I know I'll regret it if I can't go. What a dilemma.
19. I have had more than a couple beers and am trying to make myself run at midnight sporting my new headlamp, red blinkies, and reflective vest in order to have at least one attempt at some semblance of training for RTB. Oof.
1. There's been a lot of chatter on my FB wall about dreading long runs. I honestly LOVE them. There is absolutely nothing like the feeling of hitting that groove where you feel like you can just run forever - and actually keep on running for (almost) ever. I was on such a high after this run - that's the high I miss when I'm not marathon training. It's a high that is different than that I get after a hard workout or a shorter, faster run. I think it's a high that just makes me feel like me.
2. This past week has been a whirlwind of activity, but it all turned out to be for the best, I think:
3. A group of my RWOL buddies are running the Reach the Beach relay next weekend. At the time they were planning, I was still abroad and couldn't commit, but it definitely made me want to run one of these relays someday. This particular relay runs 200 miles across the state of New Hampshire, taking 24+ hours to complete, and you hang out with your teammates in passenger vans in your hungry, smelly, sleep-deprived awesomeness. There are teams of 12, running 3 legs and ~15 miles total, or teams of 6, running 6 legs and ~33 miles total. In a sad twist of fate (see #4), one of my friends was no longer able to make it, and the 6-person team was down a player. I was debating flying back East, anyway, for a wedding of 2 grad school friends in NYC the following weekend, so after some deliberation and hemming and hawing, I signed up!
4. The friend whose place I'm taking cannot make it because her husband was in a terrible sky-diving accident. He's undergone several surgeries and is improving, but please keep them in your thoughts and hearts.
5. So, now I had a weekend of relay racing madness, a week "off," and then a weekend of NYC wedding madness. I'm still waiting if that week "off" will include a couple interviews, but that remains to be seen.
6. So, minor detail: from where do I fly for this trip? Do I drive to Tucson, back to my parents, and continue the job search from there after my trip? Do I fly in and out of San Fran, leave my car with my cousin, and then drive back to Tucson? Do I buy a one-way trip because I don't know when/where to return? The logistics began to give me a headache.
7. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really want to be stable for a while, at least long enough to make the job search my main focus. I have really loved being able to travel and visit people, which obviously I can continue to do, but it's not helping me focus.
8. Furthermore, job searching from Tucson makes no sense. There are exactly zero jobs I would take there. However, there are tons of jobs in the Bay Area. I can't hang out with my cousin and her family forever; I'm not willing to commit to a lease on a place on the chance that an opportunity arises outside of the area. But I want to put myself here because it is at least a place where there is a chance I end up, unlike Tucson.
9. To Craigslist I went, with the search terms "sublet/temporary rentals." I promptly found about a bazillion ads that went something like this:
Hi! I am [traveling for an internship/moving in with my bf/pissed off my roommates and got thrown out] and you can have my awesome room near [UCSF/the projects/the middle of nowhere] for [an extravagant amount of money, but it's ok because it's furnished/almost no money, what do you mean San Jose isn't in San Francisco?]. The room is great, here is a grainy, wide-lens angled photo. There is a shared EVERYTHING, but it's ok because my 12 roommates are awesome and laid-back and clean and there isn't any drama ever even though they're all 22-yo students I SWEAR. okthxbai xoxo.
10. Um, no. I am too old for the crazy-Craigslist-roomie thing.
11. But THEN I saw it - the post of my dreams - and it was love at first sight. A 1-br located 7 blocks from the beach and 2 from Golden Gate Park, being sublet for a month while its owner was traveling. Its SOLE owner.
12. After a few email conversations with said owner, we agreed I would come to see the place the following day. I left the address with my cousin and on FB, visions of the 9-o'clock news headlines dancing in my head, and drove to the apartment. The resident is the sweetest middle-aged French-Algerian woman, and we hit it off right away. Half the rent later, I was in! I have a home for October! She leaves for her trip the same day I come back from mine; she wanted a non-student, someone quiet who won't be hosting raves; she said she got "good vibes" from my email and from our meeting. She was as excited as I was. It feels SO GOOD to have a place to call "home" for a month, feel stable, and plan the next step in peace and without any time pressure.
13. The location is awesome for running. I'm especially excited about that, as it will be the month pre-NYCM, and I'll be doing that. A lot.
14. Nothing new on the job-front. I'm feeling my way around the protocol for how much follow-up is too much. Following a phone interview, if I am told they are interested in a face-to-face and they'll be in touch soon, what does "soon" mean? I sent the obligatory thank-you email and sent emails to 2 that have east coast-based offices to notify them that I'll be out there. Is no response bad? Does soon mean weeks? I have no idea.
15. Running-wise, I'm feeling great. My legs have finally awakened from their summer hibernation. I'm sure the side-effects of unemployment have helped: ample time for sleep, no days of hectic running around, not having to get up early to get the miles in, etc. Don't hate me too much, I'd much prefer being employed and stressed AND running, but I'm trying to at least look on the bright side here.
16. I am really excited to be going to NYC. Today of all days, I feel the New Yorker in me very strongly. If I didn't have this trip coming up, I'd feel almost homesick for the city. I wasn't even in NYC yet on 9/11 - I was still in college - but I still feel the solidarity of this day in that city. <3
17. I have been all kinds of excited about football this weekend. After living abroad for 2 seasons, I'm wondering how I survived. I love this game. I had to search out the Vikings game this afternoon, found myself alone at a sports bar surrounded by annoying 49er and Charger fans, and was just so giddy to be able to watch FOUR games at ONE TIME! On screens that weren't my laptop displaying whatever crappy pirated streaming broadcast I could find.
18. Tomorrow is the first day of registration for the Boston marathon. I don't know if I want that to be my goal spring race, I don't know if I can afford it, but I know I'll regret it if I can't go. What a dilemma.
19. I have had more than a couple beers and am trying to make myself run at midnight sporting my new headlamp, red blinkies, and reflective vest in order to have at least one attempt at some semblance of training for RTB. Oof.
Monday, September 5, 2011
The times, they are a-changin'
I normally don't channel Bob Dylan - not exactly my style (even though he is from MN!) - but that line popped into my head as I sat down to write. It goes along with the following quote I rediscovered on my FB profile:
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
~Alan Cohen
With all the change going on in my life, I've been thinking a lot about what it is, exactly, that I want. So, in honor of this weekend's 19-miler, a list of 19 things that I want. Some of these are things I want, like, yesterday; some are more long-term. I know "getting what you want" isn't the be-all-end-all of happiness, so I guess they can be considered general life goals - ideas of where I'd like to go in life with the understanding that things can change in a heartbeat and nothing is guaranteed. But, for me right now, these are the most tangible things I can hang onto while everything else spins around me.
19 miles in 2:35.09; 4 up, 10 @ 7:33 (~MP), 5 down
1. I'll start with the running-related stuff. The most immediate goal: sub-3:15 at NYCM in November.
2. Secret running goal? 3:0x. It would be a lot to ask for November, but it's close enough that I want it. I never thought I'd be this fast - ever. I still remember when I thought running a BQ 3:40 was like lightening speed for me. If I can do 3:15 in NYC, I'd love to focus on a 3:10 for spring.
3. On that note, I really feel my mental game is off right now, running-wise. I still don't have the confidence to be running near-7 paces for a half. I look at those times and think they're for a different runner. Not for me. I don't know if it's my emotional winter/spring, my slow summer miles, or what, but I need to switch my focus on running and be less passive about its role in my life. I always want it to be fun and a positive part of my life but not just something that I do halfway.
4. On THAT note, I've been giving a lot of thought about my diet and nutrition, and want to get things under control there. I hesitate even bringing this up, because I know I don't have to lose weight and that I already eat quite healthfully. For me, it's less about a number on a scale and more the mindless eating and sweet tooth that gets out of control that has always been something I want to control and always been something I haven't because it's hard and I no longer always want it to be there. Of course, the added benefit of being speedier by dropping a few pounds isn't a bad perk. It's two months 'till race day. I'm saying it here, out loud: bye-bye desserts (although I do reserve the right for a bite of yours here and there). In one month, I may add alcohol to the list (at least more than one of them at a time and on weekdays). Like I said, I know I don't have to do this. But, part of me feels like I need to right now. I'm not going on some crazy diet, I'm not going to cut calories to the point I can't train well - that is, after all, the number one priority - but I just need to get things under control. So, please no "you're crazy/be careful/why would you do that" comments. If you know me, you know I'm nowhere disorder-land.
5. I want to find a job. No secret there :)
6. I want to point my career in the direction I want it to go. My post-doc was something I did because I know it wouldn't hurt me - it gave me more lab experience and publications, so it did, in fact, help me - and because it got me to the place I wanted to be at the time. I don't regret it, but it makes me realize how much I want the next job decision to be about what is best for me. That includes location, but more so in the vein of putting myself in a good place for job AND life opportunities. I can't be in a place with only one biotech company in a 200-mile radius. Both career-wise and socially, I need to be in a vibrant place with lots of choices and places to potentially be. Having been in a place where I had nearly zero options other than what I was doing at the time was exhausting, and trying to switch paths in such an environment would be nearly impossible.
7. I want to be able to be passionate about what I do, but also not have it control my life and dictate the kind of lifestyle I want. That is, "work to live" rather than "live to work."
8. I don't want to settle just because I'm impatient about finding a job.
9. I want to be financially secure. I have been poor for-ev-er. I have amazing parents who will make sure I am never in trouble, but it is tiring to have to worry about it. I am looking at my ever-diminishing savings and hate that it may dictate when I have to drive myself to Tucson to stay with them. I am probably even less fiscally responsible than I should be, but traveling will always be a weakness of mine. I'm not buying shoes or purses or designer jeans; I don't even dream about a fancy car or a huge house. Just let me travel. And eat well along the way.
10. I want to surround myself with people I love. I can very easily pull into myself and pretend I'm ok not reaching out and being a hermit. But this traveling and constant presence of friends and family reminded me that my soul needs those relationships. I want to be in a place where those relationships exist and can be nurtured. And I never want to take them for granted.
11. Speaking of relationships. I have been lucky enough to have spent each and every one of my visits with amazing couples at different stages of their relationships. Couples who love each other and have amazing dynamics; who have been through the best and the worst together and look at each other like no one else exists. It is heartwarming to witness this. Yeah, I want this. I am ready for this.
12. I want to be better at telling the people in my life that I love and cherish them. This is probably a function of that same "pulling into myself" characteristic - the "opening up and being vulnerable" thing has never been a strong point of mine and certainly didn't help in my last relationship. I will start now: to everyone reading this, you have touched my life in a way that I am eternally grateful for, be it big or small, and I love you for that.
13. I want to find a better balance in my life between living for the moment and dreaming about the future. Between instant and delayed gratification. I usually find myself wanting the things I want RIGHT NOW, instead of enjoying and learning from the journey that brings me to them. Maybe I want things to be too easy.
14. I want to always remember what I said before: that things can change in a heartbeat and nothing is guaranteed. It was a shock to learn this the hard way.
15-19. I'm not sure I can do 5 more on this list, after all. They would be sort of inane things, anyway, like cutting down computer time (ha!) and reading more for fun (which I could do with less computer time) and blogging more (trying!).
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