The 13 reasons I have apparently failed at blogging lately, which are 13 of the reasons I should have been writing all along.

For today’s 13 in 1:48.54. I will resume with humor in the next post :)

1.     I have been homeless since August 3^rd and travelling as follows: MN-MKE-CHI-MAD-SD-COL-UT-NV-CA.

2.     All that time on the road leaves little time for blogging, although plenty of time to confront each and every one of my thoughts from every angle. I thought I would journal and write about my trip more, but the self-therapy by just meditating on the open road seems to have taken the place of pen-to-paper (or fingers-to-keyboard).

3.     Every time I sit at the computer, it’s to edit or to job search. These are basically never-ending tasks, so the blogging gets put aside because there are so many other things I could be doing that are seemingly more productive.

4.     When I have had spare time, I have really tried to be focused on the people and places around me, rather than blogging about it. I have reconnected with so many people, friends and family alike, and I’ve cherished the quality face-time I’ve had with people all along my travels.

5.     I have finally embraced this opportunity to travel and visit so many people. It’s hard for me, being such a planner, to not know when the end-point is, when I’ll get a job and exit this limbo stage, but I am appreciating it. The hardest thing about my mobility has been realizing how much I want to be still. It’s hard moving through other peoples’ lives when I don’t have a home base.

6.     I’ve been thinking about what I would want in an ideal world, and there are so many contradictory answers to that question. There are so many people and opportunities in so many different places that I can’t have everything I want. It’s hard to know what the most important pieces are sometimes.

7.     I sometimes wish that I didn’t have such a blank slate when it comes to my future. It’s almost as if I need someone to narrow it down for me, and then I’d be able to make a decision. Like “you will move back to NYC” or “you will try to live out West” or something. I think I get overwhelmed even knowing where to start.

8.     I had an epiphany somewhere in between Bumblefuck and Nowhere, Nevada. I forgive Ron, and the moment I realized that, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, a weight I didn’t even know was there. I could actually physically feel it.

9.     Is it possible to want to be with someone and not know how?

10. The list of people I miss is growing ever-longer. Above all, I think that is the hardest part of this journey and the part that I want to change by finding a place to be.

11. Has anyone actually ever enjoyed a job-searching process? It is consuming my time and energy, and it is just so hard. Not that I expected it to be fun and easy, but I just feel like I’m treading water while someone who thinks they’re drowning is trying to climb on me and pull me under.

12. On to the subject at hand: running at sea level in perfectly perfect temperatures is heavenly compared to the heat and humidity of the Midwest and the elevation of the Colorado mountains. Not that I acclimated to the altitude by any means, but dropping back down made me remember what it feels like to actually run instead of slog. I am easily running a minute per mile faster here at the same effort level.

13. I have been blessed with so many wonderful people in my life, and I have been touched at so many points along this journey by this fact. It has truly made me not crumble to pieces and become overwhelmed to the point of insanity. Even people I don’t talk to often or haven’t seen along the way. I am lucky.

This is not a list

This is an addendum. On my second run today, all 3.2 miles of it, I was thinking about what I had written about wanting to get rid of the question marks in my life and how they are taunting me. I remembered something I have tried to teach myself the last 6 months: that everything is a question mark. Even when you don't see any, and you think you have your entire life planned and all your ducks in a row, there is always at least one. And it only takes one to throw your entire life upside down. So, what's better? To not see any coming and have to deal with the shock when it does or to have so many visible ones lined up it makes you want to just scream? I've lived through the first, am living through the second, and from where I'm standing, it's kind of a toss-up.

Where did that week go?

1.  I had big plans to do an "80 for 80" post to celebrate my 80-mile week last week. Then, my Saturday post-run got all crazy-like and I didn't get around to it. It actually wasn't going to be as epic as it sounds - item 1 would have been "I ran 81 miles this week and feel great," items 2-40 would have been "I'm tired" and items 41-80 would have been "I'm hungry."

2. So, now it's another week. I am running a half marathon on Saturday in Red Wing. I really want to race it, but the weather might have other plans. I am, however, giving myself a chance and doing a major cut-back week this week. I'll maybe hit 55 miles, including the race, if I'm lucky. But, except for the recovery week post-Grandma's, I've hit 60+ every week since the end of May. Time for a 2-week lull before jumping into the training plan for NYCM.

3. In t-minus 8 days (who's counting? This girl. I'm always counting) I will be a nomad. My oh-so-concrete plan looks something like: MN-Milwaukee-Chicago (Lolla!!) - ?? - Colorado??? - ?? - San Francisco?? - Arizona??? So, um, yeah - my friends in Colorado and Cali will be getting FB messages about my upcoming Western tour (look for a '92 Camry near you). I'm not sure I'll be able to get rid of those question marks, even though they are taunting me. I am trying to embrace the freedom. It is admittedly not easy.

4. I am working with recruiters to find a job. I am to the point where I'm just kind of waiting for emails and phone calls and I'm going crazy. I've been doing some searching on my own, but I can't just send out resumes willy-nilly if I also want to work with recruiters. So, even if I find something on my own, I still have to wait for a recruiter because I have to contact them to make sure they don't have any contacts at the company with the job posting, then wait for them to respond, yada yada yada. I like being proactive, so yet another thing taunting me right now. But, I know that in the long run, it will be faster and easier to work with them, so I suppose I will be patient.

5. Oh yeah, I ran today. 6.25 in 58:27. Nice and easy, recovery-style. I'll do another 3-4 this evening. I absolutely adore double recovery days. I wasn't sure I would, but I am head-over-heels in love with them. Two runs to flush out soreness and tightness, plus sneaking in a 10-mile day without having to run 10 miles? Awesome.

6. I went with one of my dear hs friends to see U2 on Saturday. We stood for 8 hours, it poured rain, we had to deal with miserable public transportation afterward (seriously, Metro Transit, two words: bus lane. Another few words: an empty train should not depart the station when a bus-full of very tired, wet, crabby riders, who have been standing on said bus for over an hour, arrives. If it does depart, it should be because there is one immediately - not over a half hour - behind it to transport the hundreds of people waiting), but it was still one of the most awesome things I have ever experienced.

6.25. Does anyone want to pack up all my shit for me in the next 8 days?

The equator has moved.

1. Today's (tonight's) run: 11.1 miles in 1:45.10. I was all depressed at how slow this was (but I had a good reason, see #2) before I logged it and saw a similar run on the 7th done at the exact same pace, only 2 bpm slower, in much much MUCH better conditions. Hooray for not sucking (even though it was still hella slow).

2. The temperature was 88* with a dew point of 81* at the start. I mean really, is this a rain forest? I thought monkeys were going to jump out at me from the trees when I was running through a wooded section of the bike path.

3. It's fun to wring out ~8 oz. of sweat from my singlet. Also fun? Being covered in tiny, disgusting gnats. The joys of running after the sun goes down: I can't avoid those cloudy swarms that hover over the path.

4. It's a good thing I love running so much because putting up with this weather crap wouldn't otherwise be worth it. I mean, I really did like the running part of my run. My legs felt good, I was trying to be cognizant of my posture and form, and I do like running at night when the fireflies are out. But seriously, MN weather is trying to kill me.

5. Running at night is fun, but it's a vicious cycle that prevents the hope of me ever running in the am. If I get done with a run at 10, that gives me only 7-8 hours before I'd have to wake up to be early enough to beat the heat. And, I have to shower, eat, and get the endorphins down before I have any chance of sleep. Last night that took until after 12. Thank god for melatonin.

6. I have to run in the morning tomorrow because I also have to run in the evening. Thankfully, it's my only double of the week.

7. I worked out this morning at the gym of the college down the street. There is NO A/C!!! I think it's corporeal punishment. Also, if I get annoyed in gyms with normal air circulation about people wiping down the machines after they use them, you can imagine how thrilled I am when there is a 20-min-old sweat angel on the mats because it doesn't just evaporate when it's this humid. Seriously, people, gross.

8. A plea to all of you: if you don't know how to use a machine in the gym, ASK someone how to use it. There was a girl there today using the cable machines while I was on the elliptical, and I swear she is going to kill herself one day by the crazy maneuvers she was attempting with the thing. Unless I'm just completely clueless and she wants to one day be in Cirque du Soleil.

9. Apparently I'm whiny tonight. Umm... something positive... I'm trying to hit a mileage PR this week: the big 8-0 (and I'm currently restraining myself from saying something how it's just my dumb luck that this would happen the same week it's so effing hot here. FML).

10. Wanda made her road trip debut last weekend and brought me to and from Madison without so much as a hiccup. Her locks are all wonky, though: there are 2 keys, one for the locks and one for the ignition (I guess one is called a valet key, but why wouldn't the valet need to both lock AND start a car?). I cannot open the trunk or the passenger side door with the key, nor can I lock the car with the key - I have to use the inside button to lock all doors and the trunk release. And, the glove compartment won't open but I don't have the key for it. I don't know what to make of that and could imagine this is the kind of repair that would cost a stupid amount of money for something that probably could be done super easily if I knew WTF I was doing.

11. I think I'm getting sleepy.

11.1. Good night you crazy kids.

Long run list

1. I ran 16.17 miles in 2:30.12 today.
2. I felt like horseshit the first 5 miles. Creaky and like I wasn't physically capable of running fast enough to get my heart rate past 143 bpm. That's slow, btw.
3. I finally felt good at almost an hour into the run. I love it when that switch happens.
4. Then it started to rain, and I ran in a steady downpour for the last half of the run. I cursed it when it started, but then remembered that I would much much MUCH rather run in rain than I would the crappy humid pea soup sauna that has been MN weather of late.
5. I don't know if I'll get through all 16 of my list items... because....
6. My dad is currently going over my resume and some documents I have to send a recruiter...
7. And then I have to incorporate his comments into said documents and send them to said recruiter... before...
8. We drive to Owatonna to pick up Wanda.... who is....
9. My very first title-and-insurance-is-in-my-name car!
10. She's a '92 Camry with 130,000 miles on her. Watch out, I'm mobile.
11. I'm then driving directly to the Cities for a friend's bday celebration tonight.
12. Then, it's off to Madison for the weekend.
13. By Sunday night, I will have run nearly 30 miles. That's a big list. No promises ;)
14. Maybe I'll make it! My dad just sent me his comments!
15. Job, here I come! Car, here I come!
16. Cue Mary Tyler Moore theme music (if I had more time, there would definitely be a You Tube video here.
16.17. Onward!

Things that are better than 60* and sun:

1. Not a whole hell of a lot. Good thing this is a short list today.

2. Running 6.36 in 1:00.12 in said weather. Especially when that's a 20+ degree difference from the past few weeks. Omg get me out of the Midwest!

3. Having a date with my dad tonight! My mom is hosting her book group, and while there are few things as exciting as witnessing a bunch of women discussing literature and eating boxed key lime bars, especially when said women haven't seen me in ages and would "absolutely love to see [me]," according to my mom, I prefer to avoid being swarmed and instead eat Italian food with my dad.

4. I witnessed typical MN 4-way-stop behavior on my run today: both people waving frantically at each other, wanting the other person to go ahead. Seriously, I approached the intersection, ran through it, and they were still sitting there. People, it is not rocket science. There are just a few simple rules to a 4-way stop 1-the person who arrives first gets to go first. Do NOT fuck things up by "being nice" and letting others go first. 2-if there is a tie, the person on the right gets to go first. If you have to put your thumb and forefinger at a right angle to help you with this, so be it. Do NOT fuck things up by "being nice" and letting the person on your left go first. 3-The person going straight has the right-of-way to the person turning left from the opposite direction. Do NOT fuck things up by "being nice" and letting them turn in front of you. And so ends my list-within-a-list.

5. It is Wednesday. I have not worn anything except running clothes or pajamas since Sunday morning. I don't know if that's awesome or sad.

6. Blogger is doing this funky thing where it thinks the cursor is 2 inches to the right of where it actually is. It's not annoying at all.

6.36. Off for today's adventure! Later!

A new attempt.

1. I've been thinking lately about how to be more regular with my blog. I figure I should a-link it to something I do without thinking about and b-make it easy for me to write.
2. a-I run (almost) every day without thinking and b-I am a pro at making lists (and I had a lot of fun with my RR for Grandma's). So, today starts my new format: 1 list item for every mile run.
3. Today's run schedule: 90' @ 150 bpm; actual: 9.25 miles in 1:30.04, AHR 150.
4. I am feeling much faster at the lower heart rates (as in, I no longer am running 10 min+ miles), but the heat has made it hard to judge how I'm improving at pulses above 150 bpm.
5. Running today in 70*, clouds, and a bit of rain made me realize how much I hate the heat and humidity.
6. I may soon get rid of the humidity and replace it with more heat. My parents sold their MN place and are moving to AZ in time to move out of their old place and into a new place down there. Yeah, I'm confused, too. Believe me. I am trying not to play the victim about the whole thing, but it's hard because I'm ready not to be dragged along to wherever I have a free place to stay while I look for jobs. I. Want. My. Own. Place.
7. I am serious about that not-playing-the-victim thing. Realizing that's no way to live snapped me out of my post-Israel funk (or helped in a big way, anyway). It's a work-in-progress - I almost wrote above "I. Want. My. Own. Life." This IS my own life. I am CHOOSING this. I can choose something else - I am. I'm working on it.
8. I am officially done with my Israeli postdoc. It's kind of anticlimactic, and I don't know why.
9. Time really does heal all wounds. That's actually not the toughest part. Turns out, the real hard part is trusting that those wounds are healing stronger than what was there in the first place. Dealing with the scars, in the meantime, is also tough as hell. Sometimes they heal without a problem, or you can cover them up, forget them, or maybe occasionally get a glimpse of them and remember the initial insult that brought them, but you can move on and not linger there. But sometimes those scars itch and throb and demand attention, sometimes when you least expect it. But scratching them only opens them back up again, making the chance of a complete recovery impossible.
9.25. Tomorrow is a new adventure :)

30 (thoughts) for 30 (miles) for 30 (years)

30. Goals for this run: 1-finish; 2-drink beer; 3-don’t kill Chad; 4-be grateful

29. Running against all the runners coming off the buses is a great way to start out slow.

28.  The cops directing traffic like to heckle runners wearing throw-away sweats and garbage bags running the wrong way from the starting line.

27. The group of runners hanging out and preparing on the train tracks is still a mystery.

26. My tiara that said “It’s my 30^th” was worth it if only for the rousing rendition of the Happy Birthday song from complete strangers in the starting corral.

25. “Please don’t rain, please don’t rain, please don't rain.” Must’ve worked, it only sprinkled a bit in the early miles.

24. It’s pretty fun to not feel the need to dodge runners in the beginning crowds in order to keep a certain pace.

23. Lesson learned: talking, laughing and quoting movie lines, song lyrics, and SNL jokes makes me run way faster than my goal 9-min-to-start pace.

22. It’s also pretty nice not to have to take splits or stare at my Garmin too much. In fact, I was more concerned with running SLOW enough, rather than fast enough. It makes looking around and enjoying the scenery much easier.

21. Damn, there are a lot of trees here.

20. We entertain ourselves by mocking the 3:50 pacer who was doing a terrible job (+/- 30 secs/mile in some cases). He was also having the group raise their arms at intervals, which made it look like everyone was going down a rollercoaster.

19. I actually got many good wishes because I wore my tiara. Yay, attention.

18. Being able to walk through the water stations is also a perk of not racing. That doesn’t still mean I’d get stuck behind some idiot who stopped dead in his/her tracks to grab the first cup of water. But I didn’t have to care!

17.  The course was actually a lot more up-and-down than we expected. Not that we studied the course map that extensively before the race. Another perk of not racing: having absolutely no clue and not caring what the course profile is.

16. Is it cheating if you snag a ride on the sweep bus if it’s actually moving slower than all the runners?

15. The views of Lake Superior are nice. You can spot the harbor with around 15 miles to go, and it’s quite mean to see the lift bridge looking very small and far away and know you have to run there. At least we’ve hit the halfway point!

14. Debated stopping and having a mimosa with the two women sitting on their deck in their bathrooms. 30 mimosas is almost like 30 miles, right? Same letter, same chance for extreme pain later?

13. Seriously, so many trees. And official highway signs for a yarn store. Where am I?

12. I felt such a push from the countless people behind me, especially my family and my RWOL friends. I could have very easily pissed people off by taking off to run a marathon during all the family-stuff that was going on after Grandma’s funeral, but because my family is awesome and supportive, they all WANTED me to go. I also know that my RWOL peeps knew how much this meant to me and the reasons why it was so important to do this. xoxo

11. Eating licorice and trying to run, talk and laugh at the same time is dangerous. Coughing up a lung is not something one wants to do during a 30-mile run.

10. The only near-death experience: I had to tell Chad to stop running a pace in front of me. Pretty good for 30 miles. Don’t kill Chad goal: check.

9. “I know I COULD drop it down and go faster, but what is the point? I don’t want to be miserable. This is a training run.”

8. That might have been near-death experience number 2 (for me, this time): telling a competitive runner to not push the pace when the end is in sight and he’s feeling good. Especially when we’re starting to pick up a lot of the carnage from those who went out too fast.

7. But it was quickly forgotten with the first beer station. And the second. I’m not sure how much beer I actually successfully drank, but everyone was really excited I was drinking it and especially that it was my birthday! Drink beer goal: check.

6. Lemondrop Hill is highly overrated. Even mores so than Heartbreak. It’s a highway overpass. If they hadn’t given it a name, I wouldn’t have even remembered it.

5. Chad was sure there would beer at the top of the hill. We had about given up hope and, in a strange turn of events, were even heckling the spectators for beer. Finally, we spotted it. I was handed a small glass and Chad was left hanging until someone just handed him a can. Where is MarathonPhoto when you need them?

4. BACON STATION!!! It’s like they knew I was coming! Cold bacon tastes surprisingly marvelous 27 miles into a 30-mile run. The thought of it now turns my stomach, but it was amazing at the time.

3. This was the most fun I’ve had in a race or a training run. I mean, there was beer and bacon involved. Oh, and a pretty kick-ass bodyguard. I am lucky to have been able to do this for Grandma and for me. Grateful goal: check.

2. Lesson learned: if you want good marathon photos, do not cry the last mile of the race.

1. Grandma, if I have even a fraction of the strength and dignity you did, I will be just fine. You will be missed and loved always.

Finish goal: check.

HR test run

Today I did my Hadd-like HR test run. This consists of 2400 m at heart rates of 140/150/160/170/180 bpm, with 90 secs rest in between. I took myself to a path I *thought* was flat, and it wasn't really, but close enough. Anyway, the results (um, click on it to actually see those numbers. Too lazy to format right now):

 The initial analysis:
* Well, I was awesome at keeping my HR where it was supposed to be!
* Running a 10:50 pace at 140 was almost not running.
* I'm not sure what to make of the entire minute between 160 and 170. I know from recent runs that that 160 pace might be a bit on the slow side from where it normally is.
* I'm still not 100% recovered from the marathon - my MP for Boston was 7:30, with an AHR of 173, so all these paces are a bit shifted.
* It felt really good to run those 170 and 180 paces, after not having done so since Boston!
* I'll do this test in another 6 weeks, after spending those weeks doing solely HR-based training. We'll see what happens!!

Focus on Form

Now that I'm back in base-building phase and running so slowly, I really want to be focusing on my form in all my runs. There are little triggers I can use while I'm actually running - the best one for me is to think of someone pulling on a string attached to the top of my head. That really gets me to keep my pelvis and core from tipping too much, and automatically gets my feet more under me, encouraging a mid-foot strike.

I've also been thinking back to my track days, when we started every practice with a warm-up and a good 15 minutes of form drills. You know, high knees, butt kicks, etc. It's been a while since college, so to refresh my memory, I found this cheesy yet helpful video on the Running Times website:



Never mind the bad jokes and the fact that this was targeted towards Master's runners. It demonstrates some of the easiest and more effective form drills that runners can do. The whole thing took me about 20 minutes in the middle of a 5 mile run. I'm an idiot and accidentally stopped my Garmin, but I did basically 2.5 miles, then the drills, then another 2.5 miles; all said, taking about an hour. After each drill, I would jog back, then do a sprint, then walk back. Honestly, each sprint felt easier and more effortless as I kept doing the drills. I'm going to try to add these in to a recovery run once a week. I look super silly doing them, especially in the middle of crowded Central Park, but they're actually kind of fun!