A new attempt.

1. I've been thinking lately about how to be more regular with my blog. I figure I should a-link it to something I do without thinking about and b-make it easy for me to write.
2. a-I run (almost) every day without thinking and b-I am a pro at making lists (and I had a lot of fun with my RR for Grandma's). So, today starts my new format: 1 list item for every mile run.
3. Today's run schedule: 90' @ 150 bpm; actual: 9.25 miles in 1:30.04, AHR 150.
4. I am feeling much faster at the lower heart rates (as in, I no longer am running 10 min+ miles), but the heat has made it hard to judge how I'm improving at pulses above 150 bpm.
5. Running today in 70*, clouds, and a bit of rain made me realize how much I hate the heat and humidity.
6. I may soon get rid of the humidity and replace it with more heat. My parents sold their MN place and are moving to AZ in time to move out of their old place and into a new place down there. Yeah, I'm confused, too. Believe me. I am trying not to play the victim about the whole thing, but it's hard because I'm ready not to be dragged along to wherever I have a free place to stay while I look for jobs. I. Want. My. Own. Place.
7. I am serious about that not-playing-the-victim thing. Realizing that's no way to live snapped me out of my post-Israel funk (or helped in a big way, anyway). It's a work-in-progress - I almost wrote above "I. Want. My. Own. Life." This IS my own life. I am CHOOSING this. I can choose something else - I am. I'm working on it.
8. I am officially done with my Israeli postdoc. It's kind of anticlimactic, and I don't know why.
9. Time really does heal all wounds. That's actually not the toughest part. Turns out, the real hard part is trusting that those wounds are healing stronger than what was there in the first place. Dealing with the scars, in the meantime, is also tough as hell. Sometimes they heal without a problem, or you can cover them up, forget them, or maybe occasionally get a glimpse of them and remember the initial insult that brought them, but you can move on and not linger there. But sometimes those scars itch and throb and demand attention, sometimes when you least expect it. But scratching them only opens them back up again, making the chance of a complete recovery impossible.
9.25. Tomorrow is a new adventure :)

30 (thoughts) for 30 (miles) for 30 (years)

30. Goals for this run: 1-finish; 2-drink beer; 3-don’t kill Chad; 4-be grateful

29. Running against all the runners coming off the buses is a great way to start out slow.

28.  The cops directing traffic like to heckle runners wearing throw-away sweats and garbage bags running the wrong way from the starting line.

27. The group of runners hanging out and preparing on the train tracks is still a mystery.

26. My tiara that said “It’s my 30^th” was worth it if only for the rousing rendition of the Happy Birthday song from complete strangers in the starting corral.

25. “Please don’t rain, please don’t rain, please don't rain.” Must’ve worked, it only sprinkled a bit in the early miles.

24. It’s pretty fun to not feel the need to dodge runners in the beginning crowds in order to keep a certain pace.

23. Lesson learned: talking, laughing and quoting movie lines, song lyrics, and SNL jokes makes me run way faster than my goal 9-min-to-start pace.

22. It’s also pretty nice not to have to take splits or stare at my Garmin too much. In fact, I was more concerned with running SLOW enough, rather than fast enough. It makes looking around and enjoying the scenery much easier.

21. Damn, there are a lot of trees here.

20. We entertain ourselves by mocking the 3:50 pacer who was doing a terrible job (+/- 30 secs/mile in some cases). He was also having the group raise their arms at intervals, which made it look like everyone was going down a rollercoaster.

19. I actually got many good wishes because I wore my tiara. Yay, attention.

18. Being able to walk through the water stations is also a perk of not racing. That doesn’t still mean I’d get stuck behind some idiot who stopped dead in his/her tracks to grab the first cup of water. But I didn’t have to care!

17.  The course was actually a lot more up-and-down than we expected. Not that we studied the course map that extensively before the race. Another perk of not racing: having absolutely no clue and not caring what the course profile is.

16. Is it cheating if you snag a ride on the sweep bus if it’s actually moving slower than all the runners?

15. The views of Lake Superior are nice. You can spot the harbor with around 15 miles to go, and it’s quite mean to see the lift bridge looking very small and far away and know you have to run there. At least we’ve hit the halfway point!

14. Debated stopping and having a mimosa with the two women sitting on their deck in their bathrooms. 30 mimosas is almost like 30 miles, right? Same letter, same chance for extreme pain later?

13. Seriously, so many trees. And official highway signs for a yarn store. Where am I?

12. I felt such a push from the countless people behind me, especially my family and my RWOL friends. I could have very easily pissed people off by taking off to run a marathon during all the family-stuff that was going on after Grandma’s funeral, but because my family is awesome and supportive, they all WANTED me to go. I also know that my RWOL peeps knew how much this meant to me and the reasons why it was so important to do this. xoxo

11. Eating licorice and trying to run, talk and laugh at the same time is dangerous. Coughing up a lung is not something one wants to do during a 30-mile run.

10. The only near-death experience: I had to tell Chad to stop running a pace in front of me. Pretty good for 30 miles. Don’t kill Chad goal: check.

9. “I know I COULD drop it down and go faster, but what is the point? I don’t want to be miserable. This is a training run.”

8. That might have been near-death experience number 2 (for me, this time): telling a competitive runner to not push the pace when the end is in sight and he’s feeling good. Especially when we’re starting to pick up a lot of the carnage from those who went out too fast.

7. But it was quickly forgotten with the first beer station. And the second. I’m not sure how much beer I actually successfully drank, but everyone was really excited I was drinking it and especially that it was my birthday! Drink beer goal: check.

6. Lemondrop Hill is highly overrated. Even mores so than Heartbreak. It’s a highway overpass. If they hadn’t given it a name, I wouldn’t have even remembered it.

5. Chad was sure there would beer at the top of the hill. We had about given up hope and, in a strange turn of events, were even heckling the spectators for beer. Finally, we spotted it. I was handed a small glass and Chad was left hanging until someone just handed him a can. Where is MarathonPhoto when you need them?

4. BACON STATION!!! It’s like they knew I was coming! Cold bacon tastes surprisingly marvelous 27 miles into a 30-mile run. The thought of it now turns my stomach, but it was amazing at the time.

3. This was the most fun I’ve had in a race or a training run. I mean, there was beer and bacon involved. Oh, and a pretty kick-ass bodyguard. I am lucky to have been able to do this for Grandma and for me. Grateful goal: check.

2. Lesson learned: if you want good marathon photos, do not cry the last mile of the race.

1. Grandma, if I have even a fraction of the strength and dignity you did, I will be just fine. You will be missed and loved always.

Finish goal: check.

HR test run

Today I did my Hadd-like HR test run. This consists of 2400 m at heart rates of 140/150/160/170/180 bpm, with 90 secs rest in between. I took myself to a path I *thought* was flat, and it wasn't really, but close enough. Anyway, the results (um, click on it to actually see those numbers. Too lazy to format right now):

 The initial analysis:
* Well, I was awesome at keeping my HR where it was supposed to be!
* Running a 10:50 pace at 140 was almost not running.
* I'm not sure what to make of the entire minute between 160 and 170. I know from recent runs that that 160 pace might be a bit on the slow side from where it normally is.
* I'm still not 100% recovered from the marathon - my MP for Boston was 7:30, with an AHR of 173, so all these paces are a bit shifted.
* It felt really good to run those 170 and 180 paces, after not having done so since Boston!
* I'll do this test in another 6 weeks, after spending those weeks doing solely HR-based training. We'll see what happens!!

Focus on Form

Now that I'm back in base-building phase and running so slowly, I really want to be focusing on my form in all my runs. There are little triggers I can use while I'm actually running - the best one for me is to think of someone pulling on a string attached to the top of my head. That really gets me to keep my pelvis and core from tipping too much, and automatically gets my feet more under me, encouraging a mid-foot strike.

I've also been thinking back to my track days, when we started every practice with a warm-up and a good 15 minutes of form drills. You know, high knees, butt kicks, etc. It's been a while since college, so to refresh my memory, I found this cheesy yet helpful video on the Running Times website:



Never mind the bad jokes and the fact that this was targeted towards Master's runners. It demonstrates some of the easiest and more effective form drills that runners can do. The whole thing took me about 20 minutes in the middle of a 5 mile run. I'm an idiot and accidentally stopped my Garmin, but I did basically 2.5 miles, then the drills, then another 2.5 miles; all said, taking about an hour. After each drill, I would jog back, then do a sprint, then walk back. Honestly, each sprint felt easier and more effortless as I kept doing the drills. I'm going to try to add these in to a recovery run once a week. I look super silly doing them, especially in the middle of crowded Central Park, but they're actually kind of fun!

Let's hear it for New York

I can't believe I've been in NYC since Thursday and I haven't made it here to wax poetic about how much I adore running in this city. I've put over 30 amazing slow, easy miles on the flower-lined streets of Central Park. Running with the other people in the park, being in this beautiful place juxtaposed between nature and city, in what's been perfect spring weather to bring the trees and flowers into full bloom puts a smile on my face and a spring in my step.

Since Boston, my running has been pretty unstructured, purposefully so. I ran zip-zilch-nada from Boston Monday to Easter Sunday, when I got out for just over 2 miles before the Easter eating commenced. My legs were confused, sore, and sluggish. Monday's 5 went slightly better, but it definitely took a few days of easy running for my legs to feel any semblance of normal again. I didn't have a mileage goal in mind in the first week back running, so I was pleasantly surprised to hit 31.5 fairly easily, ending with a 10-miler on Saturday. I think the key was taking every run nice and easy, paying close attention to my pulse to make sure it didn't get much above 150.

With Grandma's fast approaching, and NYC on the horizon in November, I've decided to take this spring/summer to do some heart rate-based, Hadd-like base building before entering into a 12-ish week training plan for NYC. I've devised a "plan" to do so, based on some Hadd stuff, a typical week of 60-ish miles looking like this (mins @ HR):

60 @ 145

75 @ 160

60 @ 145 inc 30 @ 145

90 @ 145-150

85 @ 160

75 @ 140-150

120 @ 155

Hadd suggests doing a test of sorts as a way to monitor if all the sub-aerobic training is working. It basically involves running a series of 2400 meter intervals at increasing HRs: 140, 150, 160, 170, 180 with 90 seconds of rest in between. I think I'll plan on doing this sometime next week. This week my mileage should be at least 40, if not 45, and as long as I still feel rested and raring to go, this should be good timing.

I think it's going to be a challenge keeping myself in those zones, but I think it's a good way for my body to happily accept building up some mileage in order to hopefully get into a training plan next fall that peaks at 75-80 mpw. That being said, my legs are feeling absolutely awesome as I've been keeping my AHR below 155 on my recent runs. I'm at higher mileage post-marathon than I have been in the past, even though I took an entire week off. I can feel myself chomping at the bit sometimes, especially on gorgeous days like today when I'm being passed by people in the park and have to keep my competitive side at bay, but I think it will be good for me. It will also be a perfect way for me to have a plan that's flexible enough for me to do the "whenever, wherever" runs I don't get during a marathon training plans - at such low heart rates, adding miles when I feel good isn't such a disaster! I'm excited about this little experiment and to see how I feel during it!

30 for 30

Hello family and friends!

As many of you know, I'm turning 30 on June 20th. As fewer of you may know, I am running the Grandma's Marathon in Duluth, MN on June 18th. Due to its proximity to my birthday, I thought it would be fun (yes, fun) to add on 3.8 miles to the normal 26.2 of the marathon to run 30 miles for 30 years.

Until now, running marathons has always been a very personal and almost selfish thing. Through that, all of you have offered me more encouragement and support than I could possible imagine. I hope to transfer that to something bigger than me. While the 30 for 30 milestone is a huge one for me, I also know that I'm so lucky to be able to do so and that I can use this opportunity to give something back to people whose lives are changed in an instant.

I have decided to raise money for the charity ShelterBox in honor of my "30 miles for 30 years" run at this year's Grandma's Marathon.

ShelterBox is an amazing organization that I learned about a few years ago during my time with the Rotaract Club at the UN in NYC. They provide boxes that supply up to 10 people with temporary shelter and essential supplies after displacement due to natural disasters. You can learn all about their mission and the incredible work they've done at http://www.shelterbox.org/.

The cost of one such box is $1000, which is my fundraising goal. You can link directly to my fundraising page at the following website:

https://shelterboxusa.myetap.org/fundraiser/reps/individual.do?participationRef=4132.0.480755759
I know everyone is watching their pennies these days, but please consider donating to ShelterBox as part of your tax-deductible charity budget this year.

Again, thanks for your donation and I - and ShelterBox and the hundreds of thousands of families they have already helped - appreciate for your support.

Boston 2011

Pre-Race

Following my 3:18 marathon in January, my plan was to add 2 easy weeks onto Pfitz’s 12-weeks-between-marathon plan and basically decide along the way what my time goal would be. I had never done two marathons in such close succession before, so I wanted to stay tuned to my body to figure out if it would let me actually race Boston for time rather than just to finish.

And just like that, life gets in the way of the most well-laid plans. For the first 6 weeks, I was still in Israel but running through a broken heart. For the second 6 weeks, I was running in Tucson and just trying to check off the miles, the one thing I could really control. Needless to say, I had none of my usual fitness gauges along the way. There were no tune-up races I could get to easily. I couldn’t tell based on how I felt at certain paces on my familiar routes how good of shape I was in because there were no familiar routes. I was a mental mess during any and all track workouts. My one MP workout was done into a wall of 30 mph wind gusts. But I got the miles in. I felt healthy. By the time I started my taper, I figured I hadn’t lost any fitness, but that I wouldn’t be able to count on much of a PR. Initially, a 3:15 goal entered into my head when I knew several other RWOLers wanted to meet that goal, and it was a nice round number. It had nothing to do with what I thought I could do. But, it gave me a goal off which to design my gmaclin pace band, and a group to start with in the corrals. It also gave me some extra pre-race discipline and another reason to get excited, in addition to the prospect of ending my self-imposed life quarantine and hanging out with all my imaginary, but oh-so-real, RWOL friends.

Race Weekend

The social aspect of the Boston marathon has to be included in any race report. I am lucky to share such a strong camaraderie with folks from all over the world through the RWOL Boston Forums. I had met many over the past 2 years, but even more remained “imaginary” until this weekend. I had a blast being GoAnnie’s roommate, drinking too much beer on Friday with the infamous instigators iRun, and welshgirl – although CGruett, RD, bird, vitadolce, Kari, KJ, AlaskaWrestler, and dcv were certainly not hard to convince. 

Saturday meant more gallivanting with forumites at the Expo, at the mall, and in the North End for dinner. And, of course, at the Beerworks party. It’s great to be able to jump right over the silly small talk and feel comfortable with people you’ve technically never met! I met IndyNate and MichRunR, who were two of my 3:15-or-bust group. I got to meet Lap’d on Sunday morning, and I knew we’d have a great little group of runners together! 

Sunday morning I did a 3-mile shakeout run with the Aussie-load sprint routine, followed by 1.5 servings of UltraFuel over the next hour or so. Sunday was pretty low-key, and after a small and early dinner with the ladies on Sunday night, it was back to the hotel to get organized and relax with The 40 Year Old Virgin on tv and an early bedtime.

Race Day

I was up at 4:45 to meet a small group of runners at the hotel who wanted to be on the first busses at 6:00. I felt pretty well-rested and energetic and definitely in a good mood. 

We were some of the first to get to the red dot, where the time passed incredibly quickly between securing the paceband, bib, sunscreen, BodyGlide, ponytail, gels, hat, bladder control, etc. etc. 

I had 3 servings of UltraFuel that I had finished by about 7:00. I had done the UltraFuel routine before long runs in the past, so the slight unsettled feeling in my stomach wasn’t a surprise and didn’t worry me. Before we knew it, it was time for the 3:15 group to head to the corrals! Once we got in the corrals, we noticed we were next to Rock and Tadpole, and the time passed quickly joking around and keeping the mood light. It took several minutes to get to the starting line after the gun went off, and I found it amusing that people started to jog before actually crossing the starting line, only to be forced to stop and walk again. I had my paceband set for a slow start and a moderate fade, giving me paces ranging from 7:45 (first mile and Heartbreak) to 7:12 (yikes). I figured I’d stick to it as closely as possible the first half, see what happened on the hills, and then just gut it out the last 5 miles. And we were off!

Oh yeah, there was running

Miles 1-5: Getting in the groove (7:50/7:32/7:15/7:25/7:30).

All the paces were really close, +/- 5 seconds. There was a lot of dodging, but the group all stayed in sight. I could tell that Nate was behind me even if I couldn’t see him because of the cheers – he had his name written in large letters on his shirt. At some point fairly early, Lap’d remarked that the pace seemed slow. I said that was a good thing, and she slowly but surely pulled ahead to her eventual 3:13 finish. We ran into Jonathan A pretty early on, who also went on to an awesome PR.

I felt pretty smooth and confident during these miles, and didn’t feel much early-mile creaking or tightness. I was alternating water and Gatorade and took a gel at mile 5. My stomach churned a bit but nothing too serious. I wanted to be diligent about fluids because it was hot enough that it would be a potential problem if I didn’t.

Miles 6-11: Dialing in (7:23/7:24/7:25/7:24/7:27/7:29).

This is the one portion of the race where a groove is at all possible. According to my splits through here, I was definitely there. There were some awesome crowds around 8-9 who advertised they were drunk already. A sign for a shortcut was actually not tempting, although humorous. I just wanted to keep feeling this way until Newton. Strong and steady. The only bad part through here was my first though about peeling off for a bathroom, but decided to stick to mostly water instead of Gatorade and thought I’d be fine. Another Gu at mile 11. Almost to Wellesley, and Nate and I were still leapfrogging and together.

Miles 12-16: Feeling it (7:18/7:29/7:19/7:27/7:10).

I cruised through the Wellesley scream tunnel, blowing kisses, but reminding myself to rein it in and not let myself get too pumped up from the crowd. I was successful, but definitely started noticing how tired my quads already were. I also noticed I stopped hearing Nate’s name and realized I had lost him. I hit the half in 1:37.47, perfectly on for an even-split 3:15. The state of my legs really had me worried what Newton would bring and I struggled here a bit mentally. I remember looking down at my paceband before mile 16 and cursing about the 7:12 pace it had for me. Surprisingly, I pushed through it, glaring at the “Entering Newton” sign as I passed. I had a lot of work to do the next 5 miles.

Miles 17-21: Hello, hills (7:33/7:41/7:21/7:42/8:00).

When I ran Boston 2 years ago, I remember being challenged by the hills but not killed by them. Not so this year. I basically just needed to get up and over them without stopping, paceband be damned. I was pretty rejected when I saw that 8:00 split, but considering how I felt trying to get up Heartbreak, it could have been a lot worse. I knew the last 5 miles were going to be painful. But, they would be painful if I was running 7:30 or 9:00, so I knew I just had to endure.

Miles 22-25: Who needs quads, anyway? (7:20/7:36/7:24/7:41)

The paceband had been ripped off. I knew looking at the goal paces wouldn’t actually do anything for my paces: it was all heart at this point. My quads were screaming, my stomach was noticeably queasy, and I just had to press on and run. I let the crowds pull me through, and did notice I was passing people even though I felt like I was plodding along. I tried to focus on my form, even though it was shot to hell. Anytime anyone yelled “looking strong, Erin,” my first thought was to scoff, “yeah, right” but used it to at least pretend I was having a strong finish. I blindly hit the lap button on my Garmin without checking my splits, knowing I’d probably have a PR but the 3:15 would probably be just out of reach. At some point that last mile, Rock flew by me, telling me to look for Sully and “let’s do this!” Then, the Citgo sign appeared (although, seriously, who put that hill there this year?!) and I knew I was in the home stretch and just needed to hold on.

Mile 26.2: Down-up-right-up(?!)-left-----------finish (7:37/1:36[6:50 pace]) 3:16.32/26.41 miles

No offense Sully, but a cannoli would have made me puke. Looking for the cannoli would have made me puke. Doing anything but getting to the finish line would have made me puke. So, I got myself there. There was no kick. I am convinced the hill on Hereford did not exist before. I am convinced the course was stretched between the turn onto Boylston and the finish. I knew every step was bringing me closer, but it was like one of those nightmares where the finish kept moving away as I ran towards it. Mean tricks the mind plays. But then, I realized I had to position myself away from the dudes around me to be visible in my finish line photo. That I wouldn’t get the 3:15 but I would get a nice PR. That Rock was hanging out on the other side of the finish line with a big, sweaty hug. That Sailrun saw me from the back and served as my Gatorade-grabber and post-race analyst. That lifting my knees up caused my hipflexors to scream. That my GI tract needed a bathroom, stat (or, as it turned out, Guinness and a cannoli at Jury’s). 

And then, it was onto the party! Three cheers for good friends!

Post-race thoughts

I forgot how hard Boston is. I only momentarily and very temporarily felt in a groove, where I had hit a pace I could hold all day. This course does not allow that – there is constant adjustment and readjustment of pace and effort. Looking at my average HR of 172, I know I was on the low end of where I should be for a marathon. What limited me? Was it mental? Was it the quad-trashing? I am convinced I couldn’t have found another 1:30 on the course that day. I’m also convinced I can run faster. I think the positives of the UF outweighed its apparent affect on my tummy, since it wasn't so bad at the end and I never hit the wall, but I'll have to play around more with amounts and timing. It has me mulling over my training plan for the summer before NYC in November. Do I stick with Pfitz? Do I use Daniels in order to bump the mileage up a bit (but not as much as the next Pfitz jump would be)? Do I do more long, slow base-building or focus on speed? In the meantime, I’m giving myself a bit of time to just run, even though I have my 30-miler on June 18^th to finish.

I signed up for Boston not knowing what role it would play in my life. It gave me a goal, a purpose, and a transition from one point of my life to another. Maybe it will also serve as a transition in my running life as well, as I think about what my new goals and purposes will be.

So that's kind of pretty, right? With almost 1000 ft in elevation gain, running here in Sabino Canyon probably won't happen again before Boston, which means it won't happen again until I'm back in Tucson. Whenever that will be. Today's 7.5 there was just the way to say goodbye!

As an aside, see the chick in black capris and the Camelback? Her Garmin was beeping, I'm not kidding, every 20 seconds. I counted. TG I was faster than her :)

Such a tease.

5 mile recovery runs during the taper are such a tease. I want to run faster. I want to run farther. It is an absolutely gorgeous morning in Tucson and I had to stop after 5. I want to go do it again. Lalalala...

The runner returns.

I’ve been trying to make a “blog decision” over the last few weeks, and I’ve decided to revive this one and put my “Goya in Israel” one to rest. That one had to be retired for obvious reasons, I suppose, but it’s hard to actually close that chapter. In all ways, not just in my blog-life.

So, here I am, dusting off Erin Runs. It seems completely appropriate. Through all the turmoil of the last few months, and all the turmoil that has yet to settle, running has given me my one taste of solid ground, at least for the time I’m on on the road.

With every run, I feel a layer of anxiety and stress and depression and crud dissolve. That layer floats off, no longer having a hold on me. It may have left its mark, but each run allows me to let it go so it no longer can control me.

If I’m lucky, I won’t add another layer between runs. I try to hold onto that feeling of freedom and optimism and hope. Some days I have success; some days it feels like more layers were added than are taken off. But I keep running, hoping to tip the balance. Hoping that at some point, those layers will come off a little more effortlessly.

As my future appears vast and empty and, quite frankly, scary, running has also given me beacons of destination along the way. I’m running the Boston Marathon in 12 short days. The excitement and anticipation of preparing for a race has given me something concrete to focus on and distract my swimming mind. More than that, though, it’s given me a community of runners with whom to interact and meet that weekend. My imaginary friends on the RWOL Boston forum have truly pulled me along through much of this process, and it seems so fitting to be able to share this weekend with them. For me, it represents the next step in moving on and getting out of my own head long enough to actually relax and have fun. That weekend, no one will be judging or taking notes on jobs or relationships or pressuring me to make a decision. Instead, there will be laughing, talking, shopping, eating, laughing, drinking, flirting, laughing, and a little bit of running – all the good things in life that I still have, despite everything. Thinking about that weekend has gotten me in that blissful state of anticipation - when you're so excited for something that you almost don't want it to happen because looking forward to it is just so much fun.

And in June, I will run 30 miles for my 30^th birthday at the Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth, MN. The marathon happens to be 2 days before the big 3-0. I’d love to also do it as a fundraiser, and I’m mulling over which charity I’d like to serve. Stay tuned!

And so, ever onward, ever onward. As my legs travel the miles, so my spirit is lifted and my hope returns.